This week, I have experienced direct evidence of how cuntiness affects my drive for success.
“Cuntiness” throws fuel on the tiny spark of self-sabotage that is somehow maintained deep within my sub-conscious. Try as I might, I can’t get at this spark to stamp it out of existence, but, fuck me, why is it so easy for “cuntiness” to cause it to flare up?
Definition of “cuntiness”: the inherent tendencies that a woman has to be a cunt. Which loosely translates into “the supernatural ability that a woman has to mind-fuck a bloke into submission”.
This is something that I’ve been fighting against through 20 years of marriage – hoping that I can change her. Or contain her cuntiness for long enough to follow through on and succeed with a project that I’m working on.
It all started with my mother.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother and I’m sure that she loved me, but, yes, you’ve guessed it, she was an almighty cunt.
Her method of parenting has set me up to be mind-fucked by women for the rest of my life. I mean, come on, my first wife was a cunt too – what is the common denominator here?
Me. So, it’s all my fault, right?
I am a musician and, (a rarity for) last weekend was that I had, not one, but two gigs to do – one on Saturday and one on Sunday. I’m not currently getting paid to do gigs. I say “gigs” loosely, because they are open mic events that I might or night not play at depending on circumstances. More about this in a post later.
My wife has decided that she wants a raised flower bed in our garden. I was mindful of the fact that I was performing at two gigs this weekend, I got myself out of bed early on Saturday and bought some materials to do the job. When I got home, my wife decided that she was going to go out for a power walk rather than help me with the job. She was acting “cunty”.
After my gig on Sunday, I finished the raised flower bed on my own and got it done around 9pm. I was knackered! She remained cunty until Tuesday, when, just on a whim she stopped being a cunt and went on to standby mode – ready to be a cunt again in a split second.
And I now have direct evidence of how her cuntiness fucks me up. Since Sunday evening, I have felt depressed, lethargy and I can’t seem to apply myself. I’m procrastinating and, trying as hard as I might, I can’t stop it, and now I know why.
I’ve been seeing a hypnotist and together we’ve been trying to get to the bottom of the problem of not being able to follow things through. I’ve also been putting on a lot of weight. I know this is a symptom of something much larger than I can deal with on my own. I know that once I get to the bottom of this, I can get back on track with my life.
According to my hypnotist, it turns out that we are all roughly “who we are” by the age of six.
0 – 6 years of age, is the most vital period of time that a parent has to truly nurture a child. At the age of six a child’s foundation (subconscious) has largely been programmed and can’t be changed without intervention.
To keep this snippet of info largely in context with the subject of “me”, the subconscious has been programmed to succeed or to fail. My programming is the latter one.
Boys are boisterous. I have witnessed that with my own son. He has so much boundless energy in the mornings that he can hardly contain himself. He bounces off the walls until we can get him occupied with school, or football, or any other myriad of things that boys like to do. I was exactly like him as a boy. My mother didn’t put up with this “naughty behaviour” and smacked it out of me smartly.
Throughout my childhood, she kept me under a thumb. She called me stupid and she was convinced that my school had got it wrong when they put me into their top class. In hindsight, I can tell that having children for her was an inconvenience. The first rule of parenting, is that you put your child’s needs first. Feed them well, get them to kid’s clubs; join football teams. Run them around, etc. I was not put first.
I must have learned then, subconsciously, that I should stop doing something if my mother disapproved of it. This is because as a child, I was always smacked for being “naughty”. What if my “being naughty” was just boyish exuberance? What if I was bouncing off the walls because I was a boy with unfocussed boundless energy like my son?
When I was older, my mother sulked if I did something she didn’t like. Or she would act hurt, and I’d always say sorry and stop what I was doing. The long and short of it is that she mind-fucked me into submission.
You’ve got to remember, this is all programmed behaviour. I didn’t know that the buttons that she installed in my sub-conscious were being pushed. I thought that I was just a happy going lucky kid who just let things go; a boy who didn’t get upset when things didn’t go his way. In hindsight I know this was wrong. I wasn’t a boy who didn’t get upset. I was a boy who bottled up his frustration at constantly being contained and stopped and punished – and other injustices that I can’t think of now. I know this, because I had a vicious temper.
I’ve had issues with my temper all of my life. I could be happily traversing through a day, right up until the point where somebody might cut me up in traffic and then I’m steaming! I’ll shout abuse and pump my horn, etc. It’s got me in trouble before, because I’m not a violent man. I’ve taken a few punches, let’s put it like that.
My first wife was exactly the same. They say that you are attracted to the people with the same qualities as your parents, or the qualities of other pivotal adults in a child’s formative years. When I met this woman, something deep in my sub-conscious recognised that this woman would complement the faulty programming that my mother had given me as a child. The sub-conscious is stupid. It wants to fulfil it’s programming – it doesn’t matter if that programming is detrimental to your health – consider smoking as a case in point. It is a bad habit that the sub-conscious actively wants the smoker to do – thus the craving for a cigarette.
It was a stormy relationship. I let her have her own way for two years before deciding that, no, I should have a say in things. (Probably because she was my girl-friend at the time – not my mother.)
This was a problem, because, not only was I arguing with her, but I was battling with my tendency to give in and let her win. You can see the problem. I was bottling up this frustration too.
Well, I left her – and it was very difficult and lo and behold a few years later, I did it again. I found another woman capable of pushing my faulty buttons, sulk and mind-fuck me into submission.
Remember, all of this has happened without my being aware of it – it’s all on a subconscious level. It’s only now – with a hypnotists help – that I’ve added it all up and finally figured out what has been holding me back all my life.
The women in my life are cuntiness adepts. They are the masters of cuntiness and when they work to get their own way, they inadvertently work to fuck me up.
I doubt these women wanted to fuck me up, because, surely if I was a successful man, they’d be better off, right?
I asked the hypnotist if it was my fault. Has my faulty programming turned these two women into cunts? He said that I couldn’t do it on my own; they had to have had the propensity to be cunts first.
I now have my direct evidence. My inability to see things through is down to faulty programming.
I have cuntiness buttons and a woman who has cuntiness potential.
I can’t leave her, because:
- I love her (aww bless)
- I have children with her and
- I’ll only be attracted to another damned cunt and be back to where I started.
In order to change her, (not kill her), I have to change me. I have to uninstall these buttons. I have to ring-fence her behaviour so that it doesn’t affect me.
That’s where I’m at. I prescribe cognitive therapy to try to program better responses from me to her cuntiness.
I’m almost there. I know what the problem is. I have a lifetime of “submissive” programming which is fucking me up. I now need to do some cognitive behavioural therapy to break this cancerous conditioning.
Okay, there is what we think is happening, how do we theorise that this is really the problem behind the original visit to treat the symptoms – my weight issue.
It’s quite simple really.
- If I lost weight – it would amount to a success.
- To be a success, you need to see something through.
- When my wife turns on “cunt mode” and starts pushing my buttons, my ability to be disciplined with anything – including my diet is severely eroded.
- And I revert back to my original programming with food.
My original programming was to eat anything and not worry about my weight. This was because I could get away with it when I was young. At around 24-25 years of age my metabolism slowed down and I started to put on weight. If I’d be educated enough back then, I would have known that I should either increase my exercise, change my diet, or probably both.
So, I’ve never “watched” what I’ve eaten. I love cheese, chocolate, crisps, you name it – everything that I should avoid, I love – and eat.
I’ve got to stop; I can’t do it any more – not if I want to live to see my grand-children anyway.
As I write this, I’m gaining more insight.
To do anything hard, one must be disciplined. When my wife is cunty, my discipline evaporates.
This is what I must beat.
So, the bottom line is, if I want hypnosis to help me to beat this issue with my weight, I should use it to prevent cuntiness dissolving my resolve first.
I’ll let you know how I get on.